October

Nature's first green is gold

Her hardest hue to hold,

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

- Robert Frost

"And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home." - Wendell Berry

It's been rather an odd October, and not only because we've had a couple of actual snow-falls already. This month has just been really full. I feel I'm running this way and that. My evenings are often busy, and when I'm not leaving the house, I'm cooking up a storm for the days and hours ahead.

So here's my honesty check-in for Whole30: 

It's day 26, and I'm on plan*. I've been eating well. I'm not sick of eggs yet. I've discovered and developed a bunch of new recipes and food-ideas. I'm excited about close-to-paleo eating for long-term. I'm learning to cook all sorts of things in my tiny kitchen; I'm meal-planning and prepping, and packing great lunches for work. 

But I still have really low energy. I've stopped doing yoga everyday, what with my rushing here and there, and my tiredness. I know that's not optimal, but there it is. I've just come down with a terrible cold, which is keeping me up at night, (not to mention making my spine and ears hurt, and my voice go out). And you know what? I could really go for some honey right now, on this throat. 

Since I'm so near day 30, I'll just wait. But I am looking forward to getting back to a little more food-freedom. Not so that I can go eat ice-cream, or even lots of gluten-free bread. I'm looking forward to cassava tortillas, a hot toddy, and paleo pumpkin pie. Also, some sort of chewy, paleo cinnamon cookie... It's weird things one craves.

I'll let you know if this changes, but I think for me, Whole30 is not a life-changing experience. My relationship with food was already rich and varied. This was a nice challenge, and I hope it did in fact reset a few things in my system, but my health is a long road, and this was just one curve. There's a long way to go. 

And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep...

See you in November!

*Except I had that one cough-drop. And by the way today is looking, I may need more to get through the weekend. Sorry world.

My Hogwarts House dilemma

For a very long time, I didn't quite accept that I was a Ravenclaw. When one reads the Harry Potter books (which I did rather late in my teens) one is likely to identify with Gryffindor. After all, the central characters all make their home there. So not only do you feel their personal loyalty, but you are given a great deal more information about it, more stories developed within it, and you find it just overall more interesting because there's something happening. 

A few years after reading the books (and knitting myself a scarlet and gold scarf) a friend convinced me to take the sorting quiz on Pottermore. And I rather expected to get Hufflepuff, what with my love of peace and cooking and hobbits. Part of me still identified with Gryffindor. So when I got Ravenclaw, I was a little nonplussed.
And here's where I get all controversial: I didn't particularly like any of the Ravenclaws that I knew. Luna Lovegood is of course the most well known, and nearly all we've got to go on, as far as the house goes (I didn't find much help in Cho Chang or Padma Patil). And I just didn't identify with Luna at all. Besides being lost in our heads as children, I didn't feel we had anything in common. I prefer Shawn Spencer. And it's extremely difficult to connect Ravenclaw with anyone but Luna.

But I've been thinking about it more recently, and have realized that Ravenclaw is not really a strange choice for me. I do highly value intelligence, and enjoy seeking it out. I adore both logic and poetry; and having to answer a riddle to gain entrance to the Ravenclaw common-room sounds right up my alley. So I began to give it more thought (because clearly I have nothing better to do).

There were still things about Hufflepuff and Gryffindor that attracted me. After all, as Cinderella puts it so well, aren't we to simply Have Courage and Be Kind?

If you've ever heard me talk about dandelions, then you know I have an especial fondness for them and their sunny strength. For the way they bloom early and in the toughest situations, able to crack concrete with their quiet persistence, "unafraid to be turned to ash, or cut or poisoned, ready to be born again". This to me, seems very Hufflepuff. And between Wind in the Willows, and Prince Caspian, badgers hold a very dear place in my heart. And have you seen the Hufflepuff common-room and their hobbit-windows? I am entirely jealous.

The difficulty is, I have a many sided personality. I am fascinated by the sea, and comforted by a fireside. I will protect the children at any cost, or happily co-pilot your rescue mission into the darkest jungle. I don't get many chances for Gryffindor bravery, and I'm not generally one to stretch the rules, but there's something in all of us I think, that longs for the chance: for a cause big enough to give everything for: for a hill worth dying on. "Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery..."


So one day, I started making a list. Ravenclaw: For & Against. It looks kind of like this.

FOR:
Poetry
Blue (have you seen my house?)
Books (or my shelves?)
Puzzles and Riddles (I write them as well as solve them)
Codes (I memorized morse, and have you heard me talk about Bletchley?)
Found two pens in my boot the other day
I made this list
I recognize a khopesh on sight
Rain is my favorite
Art
Stars
Life long learning!
"this is my sister, otherwise known as google"
Sometimes I'm a know-it-all. I'm sorry everyone.

The Against was a little more ambiguous, because I had to gather (mostly from perusing the internet) consensus on the attributes... well... attributed to Ravenclaw.
The biggest contenders were really just the reasons mentioned above why I could be a Hufflepuff. Other reasons include but are not limited to:

I'm practical. I don't want to discuss theories unless they'll work.
I'm a hugger. No stand-offishness please.
I like hands-on. I'm an S, not an N (think Meyers-Briggs)
I'm not a pessimist. I over-prepare, but I hope for the best.

At any rate, the Against side just isn't very convincing.
So I will concede the point. I am a Ravenclaw.
As long as I can keep the fierceness of the Athena Cabin, the home of a hobbit, and the humor of Psmith (actually, I think he'd fit in rather well).
Most of all, can I still be Watson? Because as much as I crave knowledge, there is plenty I need never know. As much as I like puzzles, I like the resolution even better. I am a Watson, not a Sherlock. And as Chesterton says, I have an open mind only so that I can close it upon something sound. I love the challenge of the story, because I trust the Author.
I will be a dandelion wherever I fall.

"Life is full of whimsical happenings, Watson"

~*~

"Wisdom begins in wonder" 

~socrates (sort of)

"Be curious, not judgmental" - walt whitman

And while we're at it, how about a Ravenclaw booklist from my shelves...

Queen of Attolia 

The Silver Chair 

Sherlock Holmes 

The Perilous Gard

The Dark is Rising   

"minds hold more than they know. particularly yours."

And a Riddle before you go:

You'll never know my depths

My surface may be smooth

But in my dark interior

My ways are cold, uncouth

I hold the tears of many

The sweat of labor too

I'm greatly loved by numbers

My thoughts are often blue

Deep, deep inside is life

And stories still untold

My heart will swell,

I rise and breathe

I am forever bold

My dance is like a storm

And rages uncontained

My partner is the moon

Without her I'd be chained

Un-quenching and unquenchable

My restless movements still the same

I'm difficult to fathom, yet

The whole world knows my name

Half-way through Whole30

Here's how it's going so far.

Best part: I got out of a food-rut (and a cooking rut). Because I was forced to meal-plan, lest I go hungry, I was able to come up with more interesting ideas than I could have on-the-spot. I've spent much more time doing the actual cooking and prep, which I believe enhances my enjoyment of the food. But I'm much more prepared for the hours and days ahead. I do some bulk cooking, but mostly just for tomorrow's lunch and so on. I've made back-up breakfasts and things for my freezer in case I have to run some days, but I haven't had to use most of them yet. I get hungry less often, and enjoy my food more fully. I feel more comfortable after eating, and I do believe it helps with my energy, even though I haven't gotten to the stage where I feel totally energized.

Worst part: The worst is just that it's expensive. I end up eating such large quantities of the whole foods I can eat. I miss a few foods, and I'm keeping track of which ones they are so that I can figure out how to incorporate them into my life afterward. (And watch patterns, and see if I completely loose cravings for certain foods). It's quite interesting. Yesterday I was eating a Larabar (for the first time during the month, I've really meal-planned enough that I haven't needed them), and I found that after half of it, I was ready to be done. It was just so sweet.

So if anyone is interested in recipes, I'd be happy to share mine, or pass along where I got them from. Some of my meals included...

Meatballs
Butternut squash soup
Shakshuka
Green soup
Picadillo and tostones
Cauliflower tabbouleh
Pork Curry

If anyone needs a personal chef, I volunteer!

October

I have this enormously long list of things I need to do, like clean my apartment and redecorate, make soup and pickles, memorize scripture, shower, plan ahead and make lists, read, go for a walk.
Instead I'm researching Hogwarts houses, and drinking Earl Grey.

These first October days have been brisk and cold, mostly rainy and grey, with a few spots of sunshine. I got the AC unit out of my window, and a couple of days ago I woke up and my radiator was warm to my touch. I haven't had time yet to reorganize for the autumn and winter, and I'm genuinely looking forward to it. But my days have been unusually full of people. It's been so good. Even in moments when I felt too weary to make conversation, each interaction brought life and connection. But there hasn't been much time around the edges. With a full week of work, and cooking every meal carefully for whole30, (and things that come up like car repairs and buying eggs), I mostly jot down lists of things on my mind, and to-do, and then crawl into bed.

 

Thankfully I've got this Saturday afternoon to procrastinate, and (hopefully) also get things done. I'm so looking forward to having my apartment reorganized and spruced up for the cold months. I want to use my desk more, and have my chair be this cozy place where I can curl up after work to read A Child's Calendar, and the Joe Rigney books I just bought. I can't wait to get back into listening to lectures and pouring through my Chesterton and Lewis again.
Read about Seven Values for Learning over on Sarah Clarkson's blog.

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in fall" --F. Scott Fitzgerald


By the way... What Hogwarts House do you think I am?

Social media is like Oreos

Social media, like Oreos, gives you an immediate hit of dopamine (which is what makes it immediately pleasurable) but it does not contain the substance (think nutrition) of an actual friendship, the things that actually increase quality of life. This combination then produces guilt, discontent, cravings, and soon depression (because you don't want to stop, even though you're never satisfied). Sound a little like eating junk food? I thought so. Same results.

Is it ironic that I'm writing this on social media? Maybe. I'm just saying, fill your life up with real things, and you'll wonder why you kept scrolling through tumblr-feeds when you could have been grabbing coffee with a friend.

Does this have to do with the reading I'm doing for Whole30? Yeah, probably. But take it from someone who gets sick from both, it's worth thinking about. So go talk to someone you like, or get a pen-pal, or keep pursuing the people you're already loving and serving. The return is high.