Courage, dear hearts

This week I'm having to gird up my loins to be ready for another year of truly terrible as well as wonderful things. I knew of course, as any sane person would, that the page turn to the year 2021 wouldn't make all our problems go away, or even notably diminish. But I think my heart still wanted it to mean we all got time to draw breath. There is a desperate call from the weary (us) to finally exit fight-or-flight mode (preferably not pursued by a bear). 

And to be immediately assailed by the enemy within and without has left me feeling fragile.

I wanted to be able to take a few moments in the Shire. To believe that not every day has to be war. That pitched battle could wait until I had finished my 2020 time capsule, or perhaps caught up on my sleep. Does that ever happen? Well, as the fellow says, Today is not that day.

And so I'm here. Allowing myself to feel, remembering to breathe. 

I'm grieving, and I'm angry, at where the world is right now. But I love the way Sarah, from Pantsuit Politics, says it: that we just need to pay witness to what's going on. With the huge world issues and national traumas (from devastating coronavirus casualties to domestic terrorism in the capitol), the only thing I am called to do right now, is to bear witness to it. To seek the truth and understand what I can, to grieve the losses, to process the pain and anger, and to be faithful in what falls within my purview.

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."

I've been thinking more and more about the effect that tumultuous historic events have on the lives of ordinary women and men. How one is required to acknowledge, to process, and to take a stance on the state of the world at large... but one is called to be even more present and more involved in the life at your feet and fingertips. The vastness of the world and the realness of its turmoil doesn't make daily actions or conscious presence less important, but rather more.

It's one reason I keep coming back to books like A Gentleman in Moscow, The Lord of the Rings, Bess Crawford, and many others. (I'd love to hear yours)

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

I am glad to be re-beginning A Gentleman in Moscow, for my annual exploration of vivid imagery and dancing wit, poignant insights and historical grace-notes, and the vital, compelling characters that live, work, and speak within those pages.

Other listens that are helping me this week include Pantsuit Politics, as aforementioned: grace-filled political conversations, and how to live your values in daily life. It's been the support I needed, providing space to process, knowledgeable discourse, and wise analysis. The Daily: sound journalism, calm delivery, intelligent questions. Listening to those around you, if they tell you what's heavy on their hearts, and giving them space to be wherever they are right now.

Adriene's voice, and the rhythm of my own breath, as I settle into yoga once more. Setting intentions: I will show up with soul; I will remain vulnerable and make it a strength. As I stretch and feel and ground; gain stability, practice stillness, and let go of what does not serve me.

"Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke

'Are you going to give in to the forces of darkness that say you are not welcome in this life, or can you trust the voice of the One who came not to condemn you but to set you free from fear? You have to choose life. At every moment you have to decide to trust the voice that says, "I love you. I knit you together in your mother's womb" Everything Jesus is saying to you can be summarized in the words "Know that you are welcome."' -Henry Nouwen