Run the Earth and Watch the Sky: May 2021

i’m ready to speak
though my voice is still weak
i won’t get it all right
but to see this plight
and not protest the blight
is wrong. I am white
and my privilege goes deep
deeper than i thought. the seep
of racial injustice that keeps
the different down
lies about the black and brown
cannot go on, it has to stop
full stop.
and the first thing that i can do
is own it, in all its shame
i wish it wasn’t, but it’s true
come with me, say their names
taylor, floyd, castile, and on and on
and till. until we see the people
where is our we the people?
we are torn asunder
we have kept them under
lift them up now
in any way you know how
The path to change is steep
we start when it makes us weep

i am sorry.
not just for how you feel
or what’s been done to you
lord knows--i don’t--how to heal
i won’t pretend to
but sorry i’ve been blind
sorry i’ve been quiet
what’s on my mind?
have i been chasing a riot?
a symptom of a broken system
proclaiming liberty… but not for them.

I’m sorry i’ve let decorum dictate
the state
of this conversation of hate
i’ve let the “peace” at a dinner table
disable the bridge
i could have built
i cut the cable with my privilege
to ignore the issues
because i didn’t need the tissues

“this is ridiculous” we hear ourselves say
and as we rip the mask off our face
we place our hand on the mouth of another race
its a disgrace
we demand a reprieve
while our brothers: they can’t breathe

I’m listening.
we’ve been deaf for too long
blind to all this wrong
this camel’s back is strong
but let this be the time
when we open our ears
shed tears
listen to your fears
i am here now to turn up your voices
hear about your choices
to see where you've been muted
your rights looted
whenever it suited

it shouldn’t take seeing this film
with our eyes
to humanize this man
to realize the famine
of justice in our systems
to sympathize with pain
to exercise our capacity for change

I’m learning.
we’ve been complicit.
the racism in this country has been explicit
we’ve chosen status quo over
the safety of our fellow men
again and again
not now and then
when will we say “when”
this has to end
and it starts right here
we use our voice and lend an ear
no time for fears
call out your peers

i know: i’m one for peace
but in order to obtain the release
of my neighbor in chains
it’ll take some birth pains
and if i have to give up “nice”
to uphold
the dignity of my black sisters
then behold:
that is my privilege and my duty
to call out bias
to call out beauty

not to stand discrimination
to demand more from this nation
seek out leaders for reform
to continue this fight after the storm
keep the conversation going
beyond tomorrow
so that change can come from this
most recent sorrow

watch just mercy, watch 13th
investigate your history
do you know juneteenth?
don’t skip over the hard stuff
the trails of tears
this pain’s been in our story
for years and years
there’s a lot that we don’t talk about
it’s not pretty to see
but in order to change the system
it’s got to come from you and me
it starts with education
and taking a step back
and then we have to step up
and keep each other on track
we have to keep learning
observe and take note
be allies and listeners
stay vocal, and vote

my words can’t undo
the damage we’ve done
that’s true
but it’s stage one
this is a marathon run
this battle won’t be won
in a short time
no it’s been lifetimes
and yet it’s now or never
if we don’t step up
this could be forever
now is what makes us
now makes the future
don’t let this change
be a half-hearted suture
let’s regrow the bones
from our sticks and our stones
words and tones
let this be an end of the groans
don’t wait and see
fight with me

In an effort to prioritize gainful employment, a variety of home improvement projects, and spring gardening, I've been scarce around here, I must say. But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of things I wanted to blog about. From the glories of May to my innumerable hobbies, there is indeed much that could be said. And even now, I write this as my eyes grow blurry at the end of a night.

I found a job, and I love it. I have a home all to myself, and I adore it. Above is pictured a day of sorting out art for my walls. Below, a project that took some time, strength, and gumption, but is now finally finished. One day several weeks ago, I borrowed my sister's eldest, and their fifteen-passenger van, and drove into the city for a trip to IKEA. After wide-eyed roaming, a few solid purchases (and sorrow at the lack of meatballs), we loaded up an industrial cart with nearly four hundred pounds worth of shelves. My Marvelous Niece, just lately turned teen, lent her strength and good humor to the task as we leaned into our woman power and teamwork to get all those shelves home. On the cart, around the building, off the cart, in the van, out of the van, into my home. And then we revived ourselves with noodles and thrift-shopping.

And so for the next few weeks I was putting together bookshelves on my library floor. Sometimes bringing in the enthusiasm of my nieces and nephews to the task, but most often working solo. I've gone through quite a few audiobooks these days, with all the projects. As you can see, as I built each shelf, I painted them to blend into my library walls. Then lifted them against the wall before beginning the next shelf. It took a bit before I got the fine-tuning of moulding cut-outs and wiring holes, then finally bolted them to the walls. When I could at last begin filling them with books.

And that isn't all, of course. I'm also deep into gardening, whenever the weather has been fine. It's a rainy one today, so my lawn stands un-mowed, and the last of my weeds sit idly by. But I've quite transformed the little plots, seeding flowers and planting herbs. I've found a spot for my climbing rose, and my birdfeeder that never seems to stay full. I was hoping to attract an oriole to an orange, but with the rain, I haven't been able to do much bird-watching.

One of my other projects has been turning a sad old mudroom into a bright and happy conservatory. I can't seem to find a decent before picture of the mudroom, but you can imagine the raw, discolored wood, and the gloomy, dusty atmosphere. I started by scrubbing it down from top to bottom, and then painting it in numerous coats off-white. I'll post more pictures quite soon of the happiness that is my growing conservatory. One correlated project was to refurbish this antique door into my potting table. It's finally ready for assembly, so look out for more pictures of the final conservatory look.

One project that is far from over is my diningroom, but I am enjoying every minute of demolition, renovation, and brainstorming. There should be some really excellent before and afters of this one once finished. I am having altogether too much fun.

Here you see some progress in the shelving department. When I've had a chance to cozy it up some more, I shall continue to share. For now I am very glad to be completely done with boxes. Shelves are out and set up, boxes have been flattened and recycled. The last of the book boxes have been unpacked at last, jumbled onto the shelves till sorting time, and the boxes banished for good.